I have written before about how it is possible to have BOTH traits – to be a highly sensitive person (HSP) who is ALSO a high-sensation-seeker. A lot of creative people are like this. We have both these traits.
The push and pull between these two parts – the cautious, sensitive part and the explorative, high-sensation-seeking part is what creates the dynamic energy that helps us create new things. But sometimes these two parts can also feel like polar opposites, like two levers we can’t quite adjust in the right way.
Now, there is some new research on how these two traits work together.
As I read this detailed piece about it, a couple of things stood out to me.
In the piece, Dr. Elaine Aron talks about the seeming contrast of these two traits:
“Aren’t those traits opposites?” But the opposite of high sensitivity is actually impulsivity —acting without thinking first. HSPs like to think everything over before they act. That is the essence of the trait. So if they want a new, exciting experience, they first have to learn all about it. High sensation seeking is not about impulsiveness or risk taking, but more about being easily bored and liking variations in one’s routine, such as taking a trip or trying new foods.”
So, if you have both these traits, you are STILL reflective. There is still that “pause before acting” response inside you, even as you love novelty and variety.
Having said that, Dr. Aron says there seems to be ONE situation in which HSPs do act with some impulsivity.
“Another interesting result was that when HSPs were experiencing negative feelings, they tended to be a bit more impulsive than those without the trait. This is called “negative urgency.” That is a good reason to stay within your comfort zone, with plenty of downtime and boundaries. You don’t want to get a bit crazy and do something impulsive just because you are overstimulated.”
This is so interesting!
The impulsivity we sometimes experience (and judge ourselves for) as HSPs does not come from novelty-seeking.
It comes from experiencing negative feelings.
This means that we need to have a nuanced view of which part of us will serve us well in which situation, and how to balance them.
Let’s say, you have long commuting hours. You take public transport, and you go on the same train, on the same route everyday. Every day, you encounter the same kinds of people pushing and shoving.
Once you’re at work, you have a job that doesn’t quite fit your strengths, so you’re never really comfortable.
You always feel out-of-sorts. Every day is groundhog day.
Even though you’ve stuck to the “same-same” routine in an effort to minimize the stimulation your sensitive self can handle, your emotional exhaustion – the negative feelings you’re feeling – will cause you to be more impulsive.
In this context, sticking to your comfort zone would actually be doing things that make you feel better. Maybe, it’s figuring out something like taking an earlier train or negotiating timings so you can commute during off-peak hours. Or it may be something big, like finding work that fits you better, or simply a job that’s closer to home so you’re not exhausted by your commute.
Practically speaking though, you may find that any of these changes are not that simple to make. Maybe, you can’t find a job close to home. OR you have to trade off something to get it, like a pay cut.
So what do you do in this case?
Are you just doomed to feeling exhausted, feeling more and more down on yourself, feeling as if your sensitive self is really the enemy here.
Why can’t this situation be as tolerable for you as it is for others?
When we’re feeling like this, I think it is important to understand that we now need to pull the other lever – that when we’re stressed & overwhelmed, it’s not about shutting down ALL stimulation.
It’s about minimizing only those things that are the sources of our negative feelings.
And once we’ve done this as best as we can, it’s about realizing that our high-sensation-seeking side should not be tamped down in a misguided attempt to close off all stimulation.
Doing something new can actually help us feel better.
Small things like listening to different kinds of music everyday, or changing up your routine, or choosing to do something YOU really love to do over the weekend can go a long way.
I remember a time when I was very burnt out in my corporate job. One weekend, I did a really beautiful dance workshop. I loved to dance, but did it rarely.
That 2-hour workshop fueled my entire next week at the office.
Sometimes, I think we can get really stuck – especially those of us who have both these traits – and feel like “Nothing is ever going to work. I am going to either be overstimulated or bored out of my mind.”
Because many of us HSP-HSS types are abstract thinkers, we can get lost in our minds. I know I have done this many times in my life.
We don’t realize how much a little novelty, a little variety can help us sustain in the face of a LOT of negative feelings.
It is just the right kind of stimulation.
I think this is really the upside of being a creative person – the upside of someone who can tap into the transcendental world. Just a little bit of something we truly love is like medicine for our flagging spirits.
A little bit of dancing or gardening or exploring goes a long way.
We forget that while we’re sensitive to all the negatives – the injustices and the judgments of others, we are also equally sensitive to anything positive.
Maybe, we are like that flower who dies out pretty quickly without water. But then, with just the least amount of water and sunlight, it also revives itself.
What we need to remember is to water ourselves.
What we need to remember is not to hide under a blanket all the time if we’re getting overstimulated, but to peek our head out, and to explore the sunny nooks and corners of the world that are both new & energizing and also safe.
When we can do this, the tension of the seeming opposites melts.
When we can do this, we start to harmonize into the whole of ourselves, instead of getting lost in the parts.
Ritu Kaushal is the author of the book The Empath’s Journey, which TEDx speaker Andy Mort calls “a fascinating insight into the life of a highly sensitive person & emotional empath.”
Check out upcoming events with Ritu here.
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