Highly Sensitive People and Needs.

As highly sensitive people, we need a broad margin to our lives. We need white space.

This is especially true in today’s world where tidal waves of information seem to be routinely breaking right above our heads.

So, it’s good to tally what we need. And good to think about whether we’re meeting our own needs.

1. Simplicity: Living here in Silicon Valley & also just as someone engaging with the online world, it feels interesting to see how every real-world problem now has a tech “solution” or an app. To me, it feels more & more important to discern between tech that is actually helpful & one that complicates the simple. A tool like Scrivener is truly helpful for me as a writer, but most other tech “innovations” simply cut up my attention. This year, I have also been reading a lot more physical books as a way to retrain my attention. A side effect is that I actually feel peace. I would often read Kindle books on my phone, and then find myself jumping to an online article and on to something else. The focused clarity of my early reading days was missing. Now, it’s coming back.
2. A Clutter-free Environment: As author Gretchen Rubin says, Outer order really does contribute to inner calm. Having less stuff also means less repetitive things — maintenance or cleaning — to deal with. This one is an interesting one for me. As a creative person, I grew up pretty messy. And yet, now, I need things like my kitchen super-organized. That’s an obvious broken window for me.
3. A Sense of Transcendence: Whether it is through prayer or nature or art, HSPs thrive when we feel connected to something bigger. This is one where I am most stingy with myself. And the most resistant. Right now, as a seeker who also lots of doubts, I find wonder most often in working with my dream images, in listening to music and in poetry.
4. Being Prepared: As a creative person, I often find a strange juxtaposition inside me. I can be very adaptable in the moment. But I also like to be well-prepared. Whether it’s preparing for an interview or reaching a new place early enough so I can avoid the last-minute rush, being prepared helps stave off the overwhelm that comes from too-many-new-things all at once.
5. Connection with Community: As sensitive, intuitive people, we often value things that not everyone values. Maybe, we love painting. Or philosophy. Having people who share these loves is really important. I now think of myself as a “social introvert.” I don’t enjoy huge groups, but I love small, intimate groups where I can talk about things I love.
6. Variety: As a highly sensitive person who is also a high-sensation-seeker, I often feel the push and pull between these two parts of myself. If I make things too simple, I start getting bored. If I throw too much at myself, I start getting overstimulated. So, it’s important to have simplicity but also enough variety to keep things interesting. Otherwise, days, especially in these pandemic times, feel like food without salt.
7. Self-compassion: This is a hard one. Although I love candles & Epsom salts as much as the next person, self-care is mostly not about the whole “wellness” thing. It’s about forgiving yourself and mothering yourself even when the mother inside is young and unprepared.
8. Depth & Beauty: Author Grace Kerina’s “I am made for depth, not speed.” mantra is one of my favorite HSP sayings. It’s almost as if as HSPs, we have gills made not to swim fast, but to go to the depths of the ocean. If you get bored of things without meaning or soul as an HSP, you’re definitely not alone!
9. Positivity: Although I am deeply interested in human nature, (I even like watching “dark” shows that other HSPs sometimes avoid), too much negativity & exposure to things that take a bleak view of life & people REALLY gets me down. I think this is also why the Always-the-Listener role that HSPs can get into can be so draining. I talk about this in terms of my own experiences in The Empath’s Journey. It was not always the extending of empathy, but rather the absorbing of negativity from complaining people that wore me down so much.
10. Boundaries around Overstimulation: As sensitives, we live in a world that seems to be throwing things at us. Because we process everything deeply, this can feel like drowning in an ocean of information. The pandemic has taught me how much I need to limit news and that even random shares on online family & friends’ groups can often chip away at my peace.

These are just some of the things we need as sensitives who absorb the world around us.

So, what is it that you need? And how can you start giving that to yourself?

Ritu Kaushal is the author of the book The Empath’s Journey and a silver medal awardee at the Rex Karamveer Chakra awards, co-presented by the United Nations in India. Sign Up HERE for Ritu’s newsletter The Highly Sensitive Creative.