I love finding little treasures — something delightful, something new. And so, I enjoy reading holiday gift guides. But it’s also true that after going through many pages of tech-bedazzled gadgets or lists of “gifts for cooks,” I hardly ever come up with anything that feels like something I want to buy.
And when I look back on memorable gifts that I’ve received or given, it’s hardly ever something from a list like this.
One of my favorite gifts as a child was when an uncle gave me a year-long Reader’s Digest magazine subscription.
For a bookish child, this was one of the most AFFIRMING gifts anyone had ever given me till then. I loved to read. I raided my mother’s magazines, and Library period was the highlight of my school week.
A friend and I would borrow Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot books and, quickly finish reading our own book, so we could exchange them with each other. Two mystery books in a week! What was more delicious than that?
Another gift-receiving highlight was when I was a very little child & on my birthday, an “aunty,” a friend of my parents, gave me the most beautiful, fantastical collection of whimsical erasers & colorful pencils & other goodies that she had hand-picked. It so appealed to the imaginative child I was that I knew she was a kindred spirit.
I think I LOVED her in that moment.
A thoughtful gift can feel like a spark that lights the spirit.
It can feel like someone has SEEN us.
And the opposite is also true. An expensive gift, given with little care or with strings attached, almost feels negative. Something in us knows that it wasn’t given fully, or that something is expected from us in return for it.
Then, it’s not a gift, but an obligation.
As the holiday season begins, I thought that instead of a list, I would share some questions and ideas to think about while trying to find a gift that will delight your family & friends.
First, let’s talk about what NOT to give.
What does the other person actually like or value? When we get a gift that actively discounts this, it feels less like a gift and more like we’re being dismissed. You might have seen people giving plastic-heavy gifts to environment-conscious people. I have received bracelets even though I almost never wear them.
Sometimes, people will give very “practical” gifts because they, themselves, value them. But the other person might want something special, something they don’t often buy for themselves. The opposite is also true. If someone values practicality, don’t give them something they’ll hardly ever use.
Some questions to ask to give a gift that delights.
Here are some questions to think about when looking for a gift.
- What do they love or are interested in? Do they love to build miniature dollhouses? Do they love The History Channel? If they love to journal, they might like journaling supplies. If they love to cook, they might like a set of spices from a different cuisine or a book like Kitchen Creativity.
- Do they have multiples of anything? We are all collectors in some form. They might collect books on Yoga, art prints, or tarot cards. Get them something that adds another dimension to this collection. If they love tarot decks, get them tarot cards based on animals, for example.
- Can you make them a Coat of Many Colors? One of the most beautiful stories I read in my beloved Reader’s Digest was of Dolly Parton’s mom sewing her a coat from many different-colored patches when they couldn’t afford much. This coat of many colors seemed like the most beautiful thing ever to me, an affirmation of love. Is there something you can give that captures this spirit of giving? Maybe, you a great cook and your sister isn’t. Could you put together a recipe book for her of some simple, delicious recipes and get that printed? Do you like woodworking and your mother loves nature? Maybe, you could make her a custom birdhouse. If your friend likes to collage, you could put together a box of “ephemera” for them.
- What don’t they allow themselves to buy? Many of us are okay with buying some things, but are stingy when it comes to SOME other things, especially those that might delight us. My sister sent me tubs of Dylusions paints once as a gift, something that would have felt expensive to me. I had some of the most fun, creative times with those paint tubs because the paints flow so much better than cheap paints. Tools and supplies really do matter. You might give Blackwing pencils with beautiful journals to someone who likes writing by hand or who makes notes in the margins of their books.
- What would give them a feeling of surprise or delight? If you buy an experience for them like tickets to a conservatory, you might also give a physical token to memorialize that gift , maybe, a butterfly-shaped ring. If they love gardening, you might wrap their gifts in flower-patterned cloth.
- What would feel like a gift that keeps on giving? Like my Reader’s Digest subscription, could you give them something that feels like abundance all-year round? Something like a museum membership or a National Parks Pass for a nature lover can make great gifts.
If you’re looking for some more gift ideas, check out this post I wrote about some of my favorite gifts.
I hope some of this might spark an idea for you. And I hope that you have a lovely holiday season!
Happy Holidays!
Ritu Kaushal is the author of the book The Empath’s Journey, which TEDx speaker Andy Mort calls “a fascinating insight into the life of a highly sensitive person & emotional empath.”
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