Are you highly sensitive & think you are the only one who does these things?

So many of us sensitives experience similar things. And yet, often, we don’t realize that we are not the only ones who feel like this. We are not the only ones who have elaborate rules to keep ourselves from getting overwhelmed.

We are not the only ones who hate things like bright white lights or open-floor offices. We are not the only ones who get frazzled when we have a lot going on.

I thought I would do a list of “I thought I was the only one who did this” experiences that I have heard other highly sensitive people talk about as well.

Once upon a time, I thought I was the only who:

• Needs a LOT of time to do even small things: What takes other people an hour to do sometimes takes me an hour and a half or two. I am built for depth, not speed. In The Empath’s Journey, I talk about how when I moved from India to the United States, my sister, the wise one (who is also a fellow HSP) said that I should start with the assumption that it would take me double the amount of time to adjust to a new country than it took for other people.
• Likes to grocery shop during non-peak hours: Just the whole routine of first finding a place to park and then finding all the things on my list is enough to take a chunk of my energy, not to mention that I am hyper-aware of other people’s energy states.
• Becomes quieter and quieter in a group where everyone is speaking at once because I can’t THINK: I wonder if this has to do with the fact that I am an introverted HSP. It might have been different if I was one of the 30% of highly sensitive people who are extroverted, but maybe not. I think some of this is also just about getting overstimulated.
• Needs a day to rest after going out one day: So, if I meet people on a Saturday, I know I am not going anywhere the next day. This was, of course, pre-pandemic. But as I am now vaccinated and taking baby steps back into the world, this is something I want to remember. Knowing this in pre-pandemic life made my life so much simpler. I didn’t expect myself to do more than I enjoy doing.
• Sometimes pretends that I’m not at home when the doorbell rings: I think this is another one that is weighted towards more introverted HSPs. But I wonder if more extroverted sensitives do this too when they’re overstimulated.
• Gets really bothered by last minute changes: I would say I am pretty good in an actual CRISIS. That’s probably because all extraneous details that make me overthink are cut out. But in daily life, I usually don’t like last minute changes.
• Researches menus in advance when I know I might get overwhelmed: When I know there’s a chance I might get frazzled, I like being prepared. I went out for dinner for the first time after getting vaccinated and checked out the menu beforehand because I didn’t want to add to my anxiety.
• Keeps hopping around like a bunny if I have even one new thing scheduled: For example, If I have a meeting or an interview in the evening, I am generally charged up right from the morning. This is a bit of a running joke in my home!
• Gets easily startled by loud noises: Once upon a time, I used to think this made me a scaredy-cat but after learning about the biological basis of sensitivity, I know it’s my nervous system responding immediately to things. It’s usually got NOTHING to do with fear and everything to do with responsiveness. I think you could also call highly sensitive people highly responsive people.
• Needs to take some time to let go of feelings after I watch an emotionally intense movie or a T.V. show: I know a lot of HSPs who completely avoid violent shows or horror movies, and while I often do too (especially when I am overwhelmed), I do watch a lot of dark stuff too. When Game of Thrones was on, I watched it and enjoyed watching it even though it gave me nightmares. I am fascinated by human nature and that includes the shadow side. Sometimes, though, it can get a LOT. My husband and I watched The Serpent on Netflix and the gaslighting and the emotional violence in it so disturbed me that the rest of my weekend was spoiled. I ended up not finishing it. Afterwards, I exclusively watched a bunch of comedies to recover.

These are just some of the things that I experience that I have heard other highly sensitive people talk about as well. Many of these also point to our needs and help define them. But often, we judge ourselves for these differences.

If you were a really tall person who found it hard to find clothes or shoes in your size, you wouldn’t think it was a character flaw or that you were “high maintenance” for spending more time on finding the right fit. In the same way, if you’re a highly sensitive person who notices a lot and then gets overstimulated, it’s an inherent part of your makeup.

As highly sensitive people, we absorb a lot, and so, we have distinct needs. Our boundaries need to flow from these needs.

Ritu Kaushal is the author of The Empath’s Journey, a book for sensitives and empaths, and a Silver Medal awardee at the Rex Karamveer Chakra awards, co-presented by the United Nations in India.