All highly sensitive people are not introverts. Around 30% are extroverts. The rest are, in fact, introverted and I am one of these introverted sensitives.
I would even say that I am very introverted. And yet, I have never quite identified with those introvert memes that talk about introverts being like cats.
Yes, like cats, I need my space. Yes, I like being on my own. Yes, I make many decisions all on my own. But I also love one-on-one time with people. I need connection.
As an INFP personality type, I would say I am pretty much a people’s person in the sense that I like being around people. It’s just that I don’t want to be in huge groups. I prefer my interactions in small groups or one-on-one.
And I like depth more than width.
I also think I can be open and approachable with some people, but very reserved with others. It all depends.
So, I feel like I am a half-cat, half-dog hybrid.
And I think that introvert memes that say that introverts need alone time to recharge sometimes really overstate & exaggerate the point. Of course, it might just be that it’s because we live in a very extroverted world where we have little permission to go inwards. Our needs build up to the point that we just want to be left alone, dammit!
But whatever the cause, overidentifying with one aspect of ourselves can leave other parts gasping for breath.
I also see my half-cat, half-dog hybrid nature in the fact that I am a high-sensation-seeking sensitive person.
Did you know that it’s possible to be both a highly sensitive person and a high sensation seeker? My sensitive side is cautious and deliberative. It sees all the nuances, all the details. It’s a little hesitant moving into new territory. But I also have a big exploratory side. It loves new experiences and gets really bored when everything is the same every day.
The pandemic has been hard on this novelty-seeking side.
When both these sides work well together, it creates magic. When they don’t, I get stalled.
So, my life is an interplay of these two different things — this push and pull — this wanting to explore and this wanting to be careful while doing it. I am still figuring out the balance. I guess it’s going to be a life-long dance.
But both these parts of me are important. Both are necessary.
And while words like “introvert” can be really helpful and talk about the truth of our experience, once-in-a-while, they are also easily misunderstood. They can get limiting if we overidentify with some aspect of them.
In the end, I am BOTH a person who sometimes wishes that everyone would leave them alone & someone who needs to feel connected in order to thrive. Without either of these parts, I would be half a person.
Ritu Kaushal is the author of the book The Empath’s Journey, which TEDx speaker Andy Mort calls “A fascinating insight into the life of a highly sensitive person and an emotional empath.” She is also a silver medal awardee at the Rex Karamveer Chakra awards, co-presented by the United Nations in India and given to people creating social impact through their work.
Sign up for Ritu’s newsletter to get two free chapters of The Empath’s Journey or find the book here.
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