As a highly sensitive person, I’m guessing you’ve had moments of frustration about the fact that STILL, almost a whole year after the pandemic began, there are still people who don’t want to wear a mask.
You might have thought: “If only people would do their part, be more cautious, this would end a lot sooner.”
There’s, of course, a lot of anti-mask propaganda out there, which is part of the problem. But I think there’s also something else. Lately, this thought has been popping up for me: “Are some people not wearing masks because they’re scared of feeling vulnerable?”
I first had this thought when I went out for a walk with a mask & encountered someone who wasn’t wearing one. They were far enough away from me AND it was a time of the day when few people are out and about.
I had this distinct feeling of weakness.
Was I being ridiculous in wearing a mask at this time?
Was this overblown fear and not caution?
And just because I was wearing a mask, I also felt a moment of real vulnerability as I walked. It was almost as if I was acknowledging that I was built with mortal coil, as if I was touching the frightening truth that something could actually happen to me.
In that instant of feeling my mortality, I could easily see why someone would want to defend against this feeling, why they would want to FEEL INVULNERABLE, even if they weren’t.
After all, if I, with my intense feelings and my intense familiarity with them could feel this way, why wouldn’t other people, especially those whose feelings operate beneath the surface? If you have ever been shamed for your feelings as a sensitive person and tried your utmost to become more “normal” and less intense, this can easily happen.
This is especially true for highly sensitive men.
Men are often raised in a way that encourages a deep dismissal of feelings. And when it comes to highly sensitive men who feel more and don’t fit the cultural ideal of masculinity, this becomes an even bigger problem.
I was watching The Mask You Live In, a documentary about how boys and men are socialized right out of their emotions and was struck by this quote by Dr. Caroline Heldman:
“Masculinity is not organic. It’s reactive. It’s not something that just happens. It’s a rejection of everything that is feminine.”
Masculinity is a REJECTION of everything that is considered feminine.
Even living for so long in the world we live in, this startled me.
No wonder feelings are discounted, considered unimportant, “less than” pure logic. This is even though when we logically think about it, feelings and desires drive all of us.
It’s just that when we are disconnected from them, they drive us unconsciously. Fear that has submerged, gone below the surface, makes men less likely to wear masks. When you can’t feel that fear, when you have to always Be Strong, why would you wear a mask?
It’s tragic and sad but completely understandable.
I just wanted to say that if you are a highly sensitive man who has been told to Be Strong or a sensitive who was taught to NOT pay attention to your feelings, I understand where you’re coming from.
We have been taught to actively split off from our feelings.
And feeling difficult feelings is not pleasant. It’s not easy.
In fact, it can be downright disturbing.
But our feelings have messages to tell us. When we numb ourselves, we not only cut ourselves off from the pain of that feeling, we also cut ourselves off from the messages they’re trying to send us.
As a highly sensitive person, you have an innate caution and a “pause to check” response to the world. I hope you use it instead of letting that old poison of “Toughen Up” or “Don’t Be Weak” muddy the waters.
Acknowledging our own mortality is an act of courage. Thinking of others is courageous. Pretending the threat does not exist is not courageous.
I hope you keep safe, and I hope your loved ones are safe.
With love,
Ritu
Ritu Kaushal is the author of the book The Empath’s Journey, which TEDx speaker Andy Mort calls “A fascinating insight into the life of a highly sensitive person and an emotional empath.” Sign up for Ritu’s newsletter to get two free chapters of The Empath’s Journey.
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