Often, we hear the saying, “It’s more blessed to give than to receive.” But is that always true?
Sometimes, the same thing keeps bobbing up in our awareness, and this is a quote by author Anais Nin that I have come across multiple times recently. Now that we are heading into the holiday season, into a season of giving, it feels especially poignant.
But for habitual overgivers and “recovering people pleasers” like me, I think the opposite is true. It’s at least as blessed to receive as to give.
And this quote by Anais Nin goes even deeper. It scratches the surface of our compulsive overgiving, those times when we feel like we HAVE TO give.
This is the kind of giving that comes out of our feeling of not being good enough.
It’s the giving that we do to almost justify our existence.
We give as an apology for taking up space.
We give so that we can contribute something of value and feel good about it because we can’t connect with our own value.
We give because we are ashamed of taking.
Of course, we do this unconsciously. And of course, we often have a bad experience with acceptance that is driving us, that we need to hold with love.
But once we realize this, this is not the kind of giving we need to do. This is not the kind of giving that fills us.
It is, in the end, an echo of a wound, an emptiness whose pain we distract ourselves from by being “nice,” being pleasing, being all-things-to-all-people.
What if, instead, we let ourselves receive?
What if we gave to our own self instead of giving ourselves away?
What is real meaning gaveand take? Still confused inthese line.
I am not sure if I understand the question. When I think of giving without boundaries, it is about giving things like attention, empathy or listening without being discerning about who you are giving to or considering whether this “giving” is balanced and healthy or and whether it is draining us. And taking is about letting yourself receive and taking up some space or some time & attention. Hope that answered your question!
Nicely put. I’m grappling with this concept because I”m becoming depleted from the selflessness. Sometimes asking for what one wants isn’t always so easy so go slow take back the parts of you by refilling your well.
Thank you. Glad it connected. And absolutely – It’s so important to go slow when we’re trying to change something.