As an INFP writer, it took me a REALLY long time to figure out my writing process. I felt like I just couldn’t stick to an outline. I just couldn’t work in a straight line.
Ideas multiplied in my head like rabbits, but then these rabbits ran here and there and it was awfully hard to catch them.
As a writing coach, I find that my INFP clients face the same challenges. All of them are highly imaginative & highly creative. They are the kind of people who walk into the world and see stories. They see meaningful connections everywhere. And yet, they also often feel creatively blocked.
So, I thought I would do a post talking about some of the common stumbling blocks INFP writers face and how to tackle them.
Trying to fit our circular INFP selves into a square box.
INFPs are nothing if not out-of-the-box. We don’t think in a linear way. We don’t start at the beginning, then write the middle, and finish in the end. We often discover our story while writing it. The idea of writing an outline at the outset and then sticking to it feels can feel confining and deadening to us. Where’s the fun of discovery? Where’s the fun of following the breadcrumbs of intuitive hunches?
We tend to do something very different when we write our books.
We often start somewhere in the middle, proceed to the end, and then come back and discover the beginnings of our stories. This is a circular, iterative process and we find different pieces of our story in different orders.
This quote by T.S. Eliot is one of my favorites and it also applies to how INFPs write:
“We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”
INFPs are seekers. We are the kind of person who likes to discover things.
So, if you are a person like this, your writing process will also be similar. As an INFP writer, you are a discoverer, you are an explorer. You are going on a vision quest when you write. So, trying to write from an outline or stick to a rigid plan is most likely not going to work for you.
So, what do you do?
You can do one of two things. You can start without an outline and trust the flow of the process. You can find your pieces and collect them and then string them together in the end. OR If this sounds too intimidating, you can write an outline BUT then only use it as a guidepost. It’s there to give you some direction. But you don’t have to stick to it rigidly. In fact, if it stops working, you can abandon it and write a new version. The map is unfolding as you write.
As INFP writers, having a loose structure and letting ourselves write out of order instead of doing a linear 1-2-3 step process is key to writing in a way that feels comfortable to us. Otherwise, the shoe will always pinch and we’ll get more and more resistant to continuing writing.
Getting paralyzed by choice.
As an INFP writer, getting and finding ideas is not your problem. You have plenty of ideas! In fact, you have so many ideas that you are spoiled for choice. These ideas start off as little possibilities that keep flickering in your mind. But then, they can start to feel like gremlins that keep on multiplying or like little children who are ALL crying for your attention.
At this point, you might get paralyzed. Which idea should you choose? What’s the best idea to follow? As an INFP, you may also feel as if by choosing one idea over the other, you are saying yes to one part of yourself and letting go of the other. For some INFPs, this can almost feel like you are choosing one identity over another.
But I am here to tell you that that’s simply not true.
Who you are essentially is indivisible. It’s going to shine through no matter which of your ideas you choose. It also doesn’t matter what genre you choose to write in. It doesn’t matter whether you write thrillers or creative nonfiction or short stories. What’s essential will shine through it ALL.
So, if you are feeling paralyzed by trying to make the perfect choice between all your different ideas, I want to say to you: Just Choose. Make a good enough decision. Burning bridges might not be good for other things. But when it comes to committing to an idea, for INFP writers especially, it’s a great idea to burn some bridges.
Throw your hat over the fence. Decide. Choose whether you are going to make the left turn or the right turn.
Your essential self will show up whichever way you decide to go.
Getting confused about the difference between authenticity and originality.
If you have a lot of creative wounds as an INFP writer, you might feel like you have to be original and amazing and say things no one has ever said before, otherwise, what’s the point of writing? This belief is often protecting an injured, inflamed part of us. Creativity is messy and uncertain, and so, it’s not always welcome. As children, we might have been judged or ridiculed for being creative, whether we were trying to write a story or paint a picture.
The thing is, ideas often start off as ugly ducklings. When an idea hatches, it doesn’t look pretty or enchanting or glorious. It often looks misshapen and kooky and plain weird. It takes a while for it to become the graceful swan it is.
But most of us have grown up in cultures and taught in school systems that don’t have any patience with the creative process. In fact, we are trained in the factory mindset — in production, not creation.
So, when we try to be creative, all those old beliefs block us from even trying. We think that we have to produce something dazzling to justify trying to be creative. We think that means we have to be original, which in our minds means nothing like anyone else, and then feel doubtful about whether we are original enough.
But the word original simply means “present or existing from the beginning.“ When it comes to writing, it’s closely tied with the word authentic. If you are authentic — if you write in a way that reflects your true experience, you can’t help but be original.
In my memoir The Empath’s Journey, I write about a transformational time in my life when I was rewriting old beliefs about being “too sensitive.” I had just relocated from India to the United States and was noticing lots of subtle differences that left me feeling overwhelmed and wishing I wasn’t this sensitive.
But as I learned more about my sensitivity, I started to gain a deeper understanding of it. I started to differentiate between true empathy and the codependent behaviors I had. I started seeing the gifts hidden inside my “overwhelming” tendency to notice subtleties. I could, for example, see things developing that were not yet apparent to others.
In The Empath’s Journey, I talk about all of this based on my own experience. I talk about feeling like an outsider, looking in, and adjusting to life in Silicon Valley. I talk about how I stumbled upon working with my dreams in a second-hand bookstore in a city called Mountain View. I talk about my experiments with listening to my intuition so that it could guard me from toxic people.
All of these experiences originate from my life and there is originality in this story because there’s specificity in it.
Each one of us has a life that is specific and unique. By writing truthfully from that place, we become original.
Whether you are a 28-year-old woman living in Denmark or a 40-year-old man living in Bangladesh, you have influences that are unique to you. You have read books and heard music that others haven’t experienced. You are living a life at the intersection of a time and place that is specific and unique.
And if you are authentic and write from this place, your voice will have originality. This is the kind of originality that gives you something unique to say, something that only YOU can talk about. This is the kind of originality that is tied not to appearing special in the hope that those critical voices in your head will die out, it’s about giving expression to who you already are.
So, if you are an INFP writer who is feeling creatively blocked or stifled, you can choose this kind of originality. You can say to those critical voices in your head that you have something unique to say based on your unique experience and that that’s ENOUGH. You can start becoming the artist you have always been.
I want to say to you as a fellow INFP that I know it can be REALLY hard when we are entangled in gnarly beliefs. But you also have everything inside you to turn this around. You are a highly imaginative, creative, sensitive soul who has stories to share that no one else can share. You have tales to tell that no one else can tell.
Don’t let the weeds of old beliefs or old ways of doing things choke you.
We all need you as you are, as your multifaceted, creative, beautiful self, creating sparks of stories that can become the kindling for tired hearts.
Ritu Kaushal is the author of the memoir The Empath’s Journey. Set during the first few years after she emigrated from India to the United States, it connects personal stories with practical tools to help highly sensitive people channel their gifts.
Ritu is the recipient of the Silver Medal at the prestigious RexAwards, presented by the International Confederation of NGOs in partnership with the United Nations in India and given to people creating social impact through their work.
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