If you are an INFP or INFJ, you likely jump from one thought to another when you are talking. This isn’t a problem when two intuitive types are having a conversation. We intuitively get what the other person is saying.
We understand how one topic has led to the other as something we said started a train of association in the person we are talking to.
But this doesn’t work when we are talking to sensing personality types. Since they make up almost three-fourths of the world, this means that often, we, as intuitive types, have to tailor the way we talk so we can be understood by them.
As I share my book with people and talk about it, I am starting to realize this more and more. Sometimes, what I am trying to say and what is being understood are two completely different things.
Because I have been feeling the pain of this, something I read recently jumped out at me. I thought I would share it in case it might be helpful for any INFP, INFJ or another intuitive personality type who is struggling with this as well.
It’s from the book Gifts Differing, co-written by Isabel Briggs Myers (yes, the woman herself, the co-creator of the MBTI personality inventory). Myers, an INFP herself, had this to say about tailoring the way we speak with sensing types:
“If you are the intuitive, you need to observe the following rules: First, say explicitly, at the start, what you are talking about. (Otherwise, you are requiring your sensing listeners to hold what you say in mind until they can figure out what you are referring to, which they seldom think is worth doing.)
Second, finish your sentences; you know what the rest of the sentence is, but your listeners do not. Third, give notice when changing the subject. And last, don’t switch back and forth between subjects. Your listeners cannot see the parentheses. Finish one point and move explicitly to the next.”
As an INFP, I definitely switch back and forth between subjects a lot. I also don’t usually give notice when I am changing the subject. And this way of speaking that Isabel Briggs Myers talks about seems almost too hard for me.
But I think this is really useful in certain situations, especially when you are speaking in front of a group or having an important conversation. Even if we can’t do this all the time, I think doing this sometimes would help.
I am definitely going to be a lot more conscious of this.
If you don’t feel heard as an INFP or INFJ, could this simple thing be the real cause (at least in some situations) for the miscommunication and not the fact that the other person just doesn’t want to listen?
Leave a Reply