How Do You React to the Word “Sensitive?”

I had this interesting experience with someone recently that got me thinking about how people react to the word “sensitive.” I went to an event recently where there were a bunch of other writers.

I got a chance to talk to several of them. At one point, I talked to one person who spoke to me about how they used to have an aspect of sensitivity. It was mentioned briefly. Then, we went on to talk about other things.

Later on, I got a chance to talk to a bigger group about my book and what it was all about and how it was a memoir about redefining my relationship with the words “too sensitive” & reframing that for myself. This person I’d talked to was also part of the group.

Later on, I came to know that this person had made some disparaging and what seemed like disrespectful comments about me while I’d been talking.

That felt really hurtful. I am still getting used to talking about a book about being highly sensitive and there’s a real feeling of vulnerability that I have around it. I feel a bit like I am exposing myself, taking off a mask, sharing something that might be used against me.

Maybe, I am wrong in thinking like this. Maybe, nothing quite so dramatic is going to happen. But I can’t deny that my feelings around this “coming out as a highly sensitive person” are really intense.

So, when I heard about these disparaging remarks afterward (from someone I trust), it felt like a wounded part of me came up thrashing.

It was already so hard, exposing my underbelly. And now, look at how people were reacting.

So, for a while (well, days, in fact), I felt a feeling of being unjustly treated. I felt angry and hurt. I stewed in feelings of resentment.

But then, after a while, another thought came to my mind.

Why had this stranger, someone I was probably never going to meet again, someone who I’d just met for the first time, reacted so strongly to me talking about something completely unrelated to them?

Could it be that something in them had been triggered by what I was talking about? Could it be that the sensitive part they’d mentioned was something precious they had abandoned and my words fell sharply on that loss?

I am not sure. Maybe, something completely unrelated had set them off.

But it’s also true that there are lots of people walking all around us who have disowned the sensitive side in themselves. Even if they are not highly sensitive people, a lot of people in the general population have at least “moderate sensitivity.”

But we are told so often that we have to “toughen up,” or “be realistic,” or “not take things to heart” that it feels like we have no option but to banish the sensitive part of ourselves.

This really got me thinking about empathy and what deep empathy is really like. At first, I definitely didn’t empathize with this person. But later on, when I thought about this possibility, I could look at them empathetically and feel more at ease with this experience.

I didn’t have to hang on to my hurt and resentful thoughts. Who knew what they were really feeling and thinking at that moment? Maybe, even they didn’t know.

It’s definitely a reminder for me to understand that different people will have different reactions when I talk about my book and about being a highly sensitive person. It’s something I am learning to handle as I share more and have these different responses to that sharing.

I guess I can’t control these interactions. I can only be more aware and try to take care of the little one inside who has wounds and can get hurt.

Ritu Kaushal is the author of the memoir The Empath’s Journey. Set during the first few years after she emigrated from India to the United States, it combines personal stories with practical insights to give highly sensitive people more tools to channel their gifts.