Queer Eye on Netflix has to be one of my favorite shows right now.
This season, I have been letting myself watch only one episode at a time instead of gobbling up all the episodes all at once as I did with the previous season. For those of you who are not familiar with the show, five beautiful (both inside and out) gay men dubbed the Fab Five give “lifestyle makeovers” to a person who has been nominated (by family members or friends).
This usually lovely but scruffy person (mostly men and some women) is nudged lovingly to learn how to take better care of themselves. They get both a conventional makeover and also a more internal one, where they start paying attention to themselves & learn why they might have chosen their particular “hiding” strategy, whether it is staying home all day playing video games or letting clutter take over their entire home.
Queer Eye is probably one of my favorite kinds of T.V. shows. It has a lot of heart and is also entertaining at the same time. The Fab Five really are the Fab Five. They are very talented and also fun to watch!
In the latest season (Season 3), Queer Eye has an episode called “Sloth to Slay” where the Fab Five teamed up with a kind but shy gamer called Thomas. Thomas was nominated by his older sister, an articulate, confident woman who was worried that her 21-year-old brother only stayed home and played World of Warcraft when he was not studying or working part-time.
As a mother-figure to him but a young woman herself, it was clear that Krissy was worried about the direction in which Thomas’ life was going.
He didn’t have any social life to speak of.
The episode started off with the audience learning early on that Thomas had been called a “sloth” by his schoolmates while growing up. He seemed withdrawn, subdued and a little overwhelmed by being in the spotlight for once and not hiding in the bushes.
His movements were slow and languid and I could imagine how some mean teenager had translated that into “sloth.”
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a sloth.
Lots of people, myself included, think sloths are beautiful creatures. They look ancient and like some wise-looking sage who is also completely adorable at the same time.
But in this case, Thomas’ classmates hadn’t, of course, called him a “sloth” out of affection. It was a label tacked on to him. It was dismissing him as being slow in pretty much everything he did – from the way he walked to the way he talked.
As the episode progressed, the Fab Five waved their magic wands. Not only did they show him how to groom himself and to cook, but he was also taken to a group setting where he could meet people who were interested in more alternative, “gamer” things that he was interested in.
These common interests helped. Thomas opened up.
Not only did he open up, he had things to say.
Through the course of the show, as Thomas was taught to dress better and as his room was transformed from a little boys’ room to a young man’s room, Thomas’ energy seemed to shift little by little.
By and by, we also learned that Thomas had been an outgoing kid once upon a time. He could trace his shutting down to his mother passing away when was just 11.
He had retreated inside himself then, as those of us with some significant wound are prone to doing.
As Thomas found bits and pieces of himself and reclaimed the story of how he had come to this place, it seemed as if he was transforming right there in that T.V. screen.
At one point, one of the Fab Five asked him if he still thought he was a sloth.
No, he said, he wasn’t.
Even before he said out loud that he was a lion, I knew that was what he was going to say.
Because you see, he was a lion. Even a stranger looking at him from behind a TV. screen could see that.
He had the lion’s slow, languid walk. He had the lion’s regal demeanor. He had a certain self-assured quality that came through even when he was doubting himself.
That was who he was.
A lion. Not a sloth.
He had named himself now.
The episode ended with him partying with his sister’s large group of friends and a girl, if I remember correctly, flirting with him quite obviously.
It was amazing to see how self-assured he looked at the end. He looked like he owned that place as if he knew he was “the magnetic one” to whom others were drawn.
It was really quite something even by Queer Eye standards.
I thought then about how people get labeled. I thought then about how our wounds can cause us to retreat.
It’s also interesting to think about how it’s possible to not know yourself clearly at all, until you discover one day, all of a sudden, that you are, after all, a lion.
Or a swan. Or an elk. Or a thoroughbred horse.
I think it’s Ane Axford who talks about Highly Sensitive People being like thoroughbred horses. There’s a lot of nervous energy inside them. But there’s also a whole lot of potential. There’s a whole lot of class.
But whether you are a lightening-quick thoroughbred or a delicate orchid or a majestic elk or something else entirely, if you don’t realize that, then it’s as if the lights have dimmed inside. Then, things dim outside.
But if you know who you are, then things start coming in focus again.
What about you?
Are you a lion who believes they are a sloth? Or a bulbul who is trying hard to convert herself into an eagle?
What if you found your own true name? What if you lived it?
What would happen then?
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