I first started writing about being sensitive (an HSP) after reading this post on the HSP Notes blog. In it, Peter talks about the fact that, as a group, HSPs are conspicuous by their absence in the online world even though there are approximately one billion of us on this planet. He says that he was “amazed at just how invisible we are. And in the few places where we are visible, how little we participate.”
Why is that? One reason might be that a lot of us are simply unaware that we are HSPs. But if we look at the numbers that Peter gives us, we know that can’t be the only reason. I think, what it really comes down to, is that a lot of us are very apprehensive about coming out and declaring that we are highly sensitive.
For me, I know that telling people (through my writing) that I am sensitive has felt extremely vulnerable. It’s felt like putting a precious part of me on public display. It’s felt like I am giving people ammunition that they can blow me up with.
I have been scared of being judged. I have been afraid of being discounted. I know very well that many, if not most, people equate sensitivity with weakness. Declaring myself highly sensitive is almost like declaring myself weak. I’m also afraid that someone will tell me, “Come on, get over it. Stop being so sensitive” as if it’s something that’s wrong with me, something I can change if I just put my mind to it.
I can’t. And I don’t want to either. I value my sensitivity even though it’s hard to live with in a world that doesn’t value or respect it. I value sensitivity even though I have made many mistakes in dealing with it. I value it even though I’ve tried to get away from it, struggled against it.
For people that say that being sensitive is weak, I say, sensitivity can manifest as many things. Most of us are not taught how to handle being sensitive. As children, we don’t often learn practical ways to manage the discomfort and anxiety that comes with feelings of being overwhelmed, of being so open.
And when we don’t know how, it’s easy to adapt in the wrong ways. It’s only with time that I have started understanding myself better and learnt to re-frame the cultural narrative of sensitivity being a weakness. No, it’s not my sensitivity that makes me weak, but not accepting it for what it is.
Yes, I do get over-stimulated easily. Yes, I do need a lot of down-time. Yes, I don’t handle things like external pressure as well. But being sensitive makes up the core of all that’s right about me. It’s what makes me perceptive. It’s what makes me compassionate. It’s what makes me creative.
So, where did I get the idea that it was wrong? As people, we become visible to ourselves when we look outside and see ourselves mirrored back. Maybe someone praises us for how caring we are. Maybe someone can see not just the challenges that come with being sensitive, but also the gifts.
But we generally don’t get these positive messages in today’s world. Instead, we get messages that shame us for feeling too much. Yes, feeling too much can be very hard, but is feeling too little the answer? If, as a society, we consider being sensitive a weakness, do we also consider being insensitive a strength?
We need sensitivity. We need to question the cultural belief that being sensitive is a weakness. I think it’s being insensitive – well-defended, closed to vulnerability – that is weakness. Maybe the question we should be asking in today’s world isn’t “Why are you so sensitive?” but “Why are you so insensitive?”
What do you think?
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